by Judi S. Fadeley

(From the November 2004 issue of the Update.)

I got a call. No, not The Call, but a call from a friend telling me that her manuscript had been accepted by Avon and her book would be in bookstores in December of 2005.

As happy and proud as I was for her, a small part of me did not share in her enthusiasm. I wanted to receive The Call. I wanted to be calling my dear friends and telling them that my book would be published.

And then it happened, self-doubt. My book was not good enough; I would never be published no matter how many retreats I attended, classes I took, or hours I wrote. So what if I had degrees in English? So what if I had a deep understanding of the mechanics of writing? I flopped down in a chair and stared at the television for an eternity of minutes.

My husband had seen the same mood before—after bad scores on contests or after an extremely brutal critique. “Why don’t you just give up writing? You’d best be spending your time knitting, cross-stitching, or reading. All you have done over the past five years is chase your elusive dream.”

I glared at him. If looks could kill, I’d be doing life at this moment. “What makes you think I’m not a good writer? I have finaled in contests. My manuscript has been requested by agents and editors. My ideas litter this house on little pieces of paper. Characters scream at me to write their story. I am a good writer.”

My husband didn’t respond verbally. He picked up his newspaper and began reading again. I’m pretty sure I caught the corners of his lips turning up into a smile.

After I closed my mouth, I realized my good fortune. My husband’s reverse psychology had gotten me out of my funk. He’d helped me fight off my worst enemy—myself.

I picked up my bruised ego and went to my office. I needed to write. I needed to get the story in my head down on paper.

I thought about my friend again. This time I was truly happy for her. One day I’ll get The Call, but until then, it’s the other calls I receive that make me try that much harder.

~~~~~
Judi Fadeley is WRW’s associate editor of the Update. She is the co-founder and treasurer of the new Celtic RWA Chapter. She resides in Shepherdstown, WV, with her husband and two lovely German Shepherds. When she is not busy with her full-time job as a librarian in a middle school, she works on her medieval trilogy based on her husband’s ancestors who fought with William Wallace.Judi can be reached at .